I have a crush. I feel like ten years of my life have been peeled away and suddenly I am 15 years old again and back in high school. He’s smart. Extremely polite. Talented. He reminds me of Andy, the only boy in high school that I didn’t regret dating. Andy was my first boyfriend, and in one and a half months gave me more pure and geniune precious memories than boys I dated for far longer.
Not that I have exboyfriend or exhusband issues like many a herione in anime and manga, but I am at that point where I am craving company. I don’t want intimate affection at this point, but I want someone that I can sit and talk with or just sit and enjoy the silence with. I sit near him in the staff room and I see him every day. I am terrified of office politics especially in a place where I’ve worked so hard to make friends. His circle of friends overlaps with mine, and it scares me because I can’t even tell my close friends because I am fightened about what they would say… or do. I just don’t know.
I feel ugly, insecure, and utterly 15 again. High school was a time that I had severe insecurity issues in regard to my looks, primarily because I always laughed at for being ugly. If people were to find out that I had a crush, it was always used to my disadvangtage. Things are different here because men are (outwardly at least) more polite and polished then they are back home. The ones worth chasing aren’t arrogant, stuffy bastards. I just feel worthless because according to this country’s stardards, I should know how to cook, clean, and be otherwise very domestic.
*sigh* When will my luck improve?
Filled under: Uncategorized
You must be logged in to post a comment.
