On November 20th, I will get to experience my first traditional Japanese wedding between my friends Yuriko TOMITA and Yuichi URUSHIBARA. I am so happy for them! I will actually be attending the formal ceremony and sharing the day with them and their families. I am so excited!
I better start studying harder! 
As the Presidential election creeps closer to actual "D-Day" status, I sit and wonder what changes will be made after the decision has been made. If I had to venture out from my relatively independent standpoint, I’d support the politics and drive of the Democratic party. I have submitted my absentee ballot, begging and screaming to get President George W. Bush out of office. I’d love my home country more if it would stop making me look so bad. Depending on the results of this election, I might move to ex-patriate status, so I don’t have to deal with the ridiculous politics of my country.
Three years ago, the United States was "rocked" by the terrorist attacks on September 11th. I remember the fear I felt while I was sitting at my desk working and hearing someone mention that "someone flew a plane into one of the towers of the World Trade Center in New York City". Reading the updates on the internet, listening to the radio and watching TV made that day seem like something out of an apocalyspe themed movie. It couldn’t be real. It all sounded like a surreal joke, one of the ones in extremely poor taste that someone would say innocently, just to get your attention. I panicked not because I had family that was traveling at the time or relations working in the WTC in New York but because my parents lived close to Miami, Florida, home to one of the largest international airports in the US. My father was at work in Miami as all this was happening. I was so scared that something would have happened to him.
It was the trigger that the current leadership needed to initiate the air strike and military campaign it craved. Bush wanted to be the one to finish the mini-war his father started over a decade prior. The best tactic for the American populace was to revert to being five years old and "hit back the kids who hit us first". We couldn’t possibly be the more mature ones, lick our wounds and then go tell the teacher. No, that wouldn’t be strong or powerful enough. That wouldn’t communicate the message that America is invincible! We can’t maintain our Superman(1) image if we just "turn the other cheek" and move on. We can’t reassure the American people unless we strike back, and humiliate the people until they can feel the pain they have caused us. That’s the only way to make the playground fair, right?
Yeah, right. Unfortunately, that’s what kids are taught at school. The President is right. America is strong.
When I think back to Desert Storm, I remember being in the sixth grade. Everyone was trained into wearing yellow ribbons, Old Glory was posted everywhere, and patriotic melodies were being performed in special concerts. We were trained parrots. They brainwashed us into believing that the actions of our beloved Commander-in-Chief were not only essential but absolutely right. We were taught that America was not only beautiful but the strongest in the world. What makes that statement worse is that at 11 years old, you believe it. Very few 11 year olds would openly challenge the information bestowed upon them by their parents and teachers. Society believes that children are not "old enough" to understand the grayness between right and wrong. So to save time and effort and maintain the order, they just give black and white responses.
We were primarily shown the happy images of American soldiers helping frightened children, giving medical attention to civilians, and rebuilding the wreckage with big smiles on their faces. In junior high school, we barely picked up the newspaper or watched the news. Even in these places, where "freedom of press" was a guaranteed right under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, the images were being controlled. The government didn’t want the masses, especially the children of our country to see what was really happening behind the fake smiles. They didn’t want us to see those smiling soldiers shooting children our own age. They didn’t want to show us images of people suffering, bleeding, and dying at the hands of those sent to represent the United States. They didn’t want us to see where all the tax monies our parents were forced to pay were actually going. Money that could have been spent on improving our education system and helping to properly educate the future of the country about the terrors of violence and inform us about the situations of the world.
We had canned food and supplies drives at school to help support the families of those whom had a soldier overseas. We were told it was a good thing to help other people because these people were risking their lives to help improve the world and make it safe again. Kids from my classes would bring in food, even if their families were not well off because we were told "it’s the right thing to do." We would get upset when we would hear about "another fallen soldier" in battle, but we never thought about the people that we were fighting against. We became accustomed to turning a blind eye to the shadows and focus on the glories of the spotlight.
Over ten years later, those kids I went to junior high school with are now helping to sculpt the future of my country. However, many of them are never brave enough to challenge the education that they were given as children. Many of the boys I went to high school with promptly joined the military after high school. Some as a means to pay for their university education, while others did it to "see the world". When the discussion inevitably winds its way to opinions about politics and the "war on terrorism" with them, I refuse to continue the discussion with them. I don’t want to think about what could happen to them if they are called to active duty, nor do I want to think what they could be ordered to do to other people just by someone telling them so. I don’t want to think about possibly saying "good-bye" to them forever if they were to be killed in the line of duty. They know how passionate I can be about issues that I feel strongly about, so they respect my desire not to waste limited time on arguing.
Politics has been a topic of discussion that has been banned in my own household. My parents, though they are very liberal, support the actions of the government in response to 9/11. The last thing anyone wanted was Christmas dinner being disrupted with a heated discussion about war. None of us wanted a revival of a Thanksgiving a few years prior(2). I have my opinions and my family has theirs. They are very similar on topics like reproductive rights, marriage, and education issues, but when it comes to war, they are extremely different. It still surprises how I went to Hiroshima in March. I was so surprised at how big of a city it was. I had a beautiful time enjoying the food and seeing the castle. My primary reason for venturing to Hiroshima was to see the Peace Park. I was having an amazing time in Hiroshima until I saw the skeleton of the Atomic Bomb Dome. The images posted nearby showing the place where I stood and everything around it leveled for kilometers knocked the wind out of me. I started crying and I couldn’t stop. I was emotional. I was angry. It was the first time I passionately and vocally admitted to hating my own country. I shouldn’t be welcomed in Japan after seeing what my blessed, invicible America did to Hiroshima. I shouldn’t have the amazing life filled with all the happiness that I have been given. I didn’t deserve to be standing on Japanese soil. No American did. Yet, the people I work with take care of me like I am one of their own. My students talk and laugh with me. I have Japanese friends who I can confide my secrets in. They don’t blame me for what my country did to theirs approximately sixty years ago. The Japanese people will never forget the tragedy, but they are mature enough to know that I am not to blame for it.
The people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, though still suffering from the effects of atomic bombs, were able to rebuild their cities into thriving metropolises. The people of those places were truly phoenixes rising up from the ashes. Yes, lives were lost in both New York and Washington DC, but all America lost were a couple of buildings. The people of Japan lost entire cities and the surrounding regions were ravaged as well. The American people should be grateful that the terrorists were kind enough not to drop atomic bombs on NYC and DC. America would have been severely crippled if that were the case, as two of the largest cities of the country would have been annihilated, our financial center (NYC) and our political center (DC). Perhaps if that were the case, then we would have been justified in storming into Iraq and turning the place upside down, but even then, I don’t think the "an eye for an eye" approach to battle is necessarily the smartest. It takes us down to their level. Such actions don’t make us right. It just makes us look stupid, childish, and "trigger happy". Why can’t the American people pick up the pieces and move on like the people of Japan?
It’s difficult being a representative of my country to my entire school and the larger community. Many students and teachers ask me "Why does America do such things to people?" I see the fear in their eyes and their genuine concern for the war. I think they ask me because they feel I am capable of answering their questions, but I feel so inadequate to do so. I honestly don’t know why the American goverment feels it is necessary to actively pursue violence. I don’t know why they think it’s right to slaughter people in the name of "justice" and claim that they are doing it to liberate the oppressed people of the world. My students ask me their questions and express their opinions in journals, letters, or in conversation. They ask me, "What do you think about this problem, Karen?" I tell them the truth. I tell them my honest feelings. I don’t agree with what my country is doing. I hate my country’s leadership for what they are doing to people in Iraq. It disgusts me that they are manipulating the media to maintain control of popular opinion domestically. I try to show people that I am not the same as the "gun-toting cowboys" overseas who firmly believe they are doing the right thing. I can’t be a stereotypical American(3).
I have a larger role as a representative of my home country. I feel it’s necessary to teach my students about diversity. I want to show them that I am not scary. I want to show them that America can be beautiful. My friends in Tottori say "Karen, you are Japanese on the inside." It makes me laugh because I think they are right.
Tomorrow I begin my Kung Fu class. I’m really excited about doing something active, though I was hoping it would have been volleyball. This will give me a great cardio workout. I think it’s a great opportunity to get out of the house and into my little city. I need to get some of this nervious energy and ‘raindy day blues’ out of my system.
I have to stop daydreaming though. I feel like I’m setting myself up for a big fall. I can’t stop thinking about him though. I asked him if he was interested in going to do something this weekend, but he was busy. I hope he doesn’t think I am out of my mind. I don’t want to scare him, but at the same time I want to know what my chances with him are. If I am wasting my time, I’d like to know about it early.
There’s another typhoon on it’s way, and the students are starting to go home. I’ll hang out until 1PM, and then take the train home. I am hoping that I can eat lunch with my friends before I leave. Why don’t I have a car?!
Possible Doomination. Koichiro knows. Shiho knows. Tomoko knows. They’ve been begged into silence, but now I am starting to panic. I shouldn’t be because it could work to my advantage.
We’ll see what happens.
On the plus side, I’ve used some of my nervous energy to do a little updating with my website. Though I am having framing issues. I’ve posted copies of the articles that I’ve published here at b.net in addition to formatting my "photo album" pages. There are pictures from three staff parties and I’ve rejuvenated the "O-HA" Initative. I’m taking baby steps in the right direction, I think.
And I did do some studying today! Japanese grammar is fun! Not…
When it comes to electronics, my "inner guy" comes out to play like a desperate and lonely, fan boy demanding some sort of emotional release. My passion for gadgets, gizmos, consoles, and all other things that are shiny, has over the years branded me as someone who has a "14 year old boy trapped in a woman’s body". I’m the kind of girl who prefers to pass on makeup and pretty clothes and dives head long, straight into the electronics section of any store she encounters. I love electronics, but unfortunately, the relationship is extremely one sided.
I can spend hours pacing the aisles of an electronics store, dreaming about all the things I could do with a flat panel computer with TV capabilities and a DVD re-writer or a digital camera that can do everything from taking movies to opening garage doors. Stalk through electronic stores, keeping a mental wish list, but I seldom commit anything to paper. Paper notes or research comes only after the initial stages of infatuation and lust pass and I am prepared for a commitment. Doing such things is like preparing to move in with someone, you don’t do it unless you are absolutely certain that you can tolerate facing that thing every damn day.
Things always look so simple when a "techie" sits there, holds your hand, and walks you through the operating procedures of the smooth, sexy technology, but it’s when I finally drop the funds on the purchase and take it home that the trouble starts. The magic forged with the "techie" vanishes instantly, like a mirage. All the simple instructions are thrown to the wind and a hefty manual takes its place. The holy book of knowledge is full of strange, undecipherable symbols and complex diagrams. It’s a language unto itself and without a proficiency in technological jargon, playing with new toys becomes an epic battle of me against technology. However, unlike David who threw rocks at Goliath, I would sooner be stoned myself then to put so much as a scratch on any of my technology.(1)
I’m the biggest sucker for computers. Since I was a high school student, I’ve had four different computers, and with the exception of Abyssinian 2.0, every last one of them has required me to summon the grand powers of "tech support". I hate calling for tech support because 95% of my experiences with tech support involve some punk ass jerk who thinks he’s the gods’ gift to computer problem solving and has an extreme chip on his shoulder when dealing with inexperienced users(2). I try my best to refrain from making computer purchases online because I want to play around with my prey until I find it’s sufficient to go for the kill and bring it home. I like to research the company and see what support and service they can give me before I take the plunge. There are two places that I recommend over any other for buying electronics, Best Buy (with the best in-store service team) and Apple (the only company to date that I have purchased from online and had absolutely zero problems with).
The performance plans are what really get me. If I purchase the more expensive, we’ll send a person to your home or office to fix it, that’s all I can do. I can’t sit there on the phone with a disgruntled techie and have them help me or ask for new parts. I have to sit and wait for some guy to come to my house and spend at least an hour trying all the things that I tried myself to make it work, and have him turn around and say, "Yep, it’s broken. We’ll need to send her off and get the replacement parts."(3) I don’t even want to go into detail about how much time I spend fighting with this company’s customer service lackeys, but for a company that toots their own horn about their customer satisfaction ratings, I couldn’t have been more disappointed.
My picks for my electronics purchases as mentioned above are Best Buy and Apple. This is primarily in part to my multiple summonings of their "techies". With Best Buy, I bring my ailing, dying, or dead equipment in and the nice "techie"(4) goes out of their way to help me, including explaining everything that needs to be done or will be done in plain English. They are a class unto any other. Primarily because they realize that the average computer user is not an elite computer programmer, which novices like me can really appreciate. I also have to thank my parents for encouraging me to be the good little girl scout that I was raised to be and "always be prepared". Prepare for the worst, and you’ll never be too disappointed, right?
In June, I purchased a third generation iPod from Apple, and no sooner did I bring it back to Japan in August than it died after only being here two weeks. Naturally, I purchased Apple Care, but I was terrified that I would have to pay an arm, a leg, and several internal organs to ship it back to the US for servicing. I was also afraid of calling technical support here in Japan, for fear that their "English assistance" would be more frustration than its worth. When I finally got the nerve to call, just in the off chance I could ship to Apple Japan in Chiba Prefecture, I was amazed not only by the response time of their "techie" but by the individual’s ability to help troubleshoot the error on the phone in flawless, natural English. Within 20 minutes, not only was my issue with the dead iPod(5) resolved, but I hung up the phone feeling completely relieved. It was the most painless phone call to a customer service support center that I have ever made.
I honestly don’t know what I keep doing to make all the technology around me act ridiculous. I consider it my latent mutant ability to be able to break machines just my attempting to use them correctly. I sometimes feel like I rely too heavily upon my more knowledgeable and tech-savvy friends to help me cope with my technological ineptitude, but honestly, I swear that machines really hate me. From my PCs to my 2002 VW Turbo Beetle that bit the dust a couple of months after purchase(6), I just can’t win when it comes to machines. Why must this love be so one sided?
I have a crush. I feel like ten years of my life have been peeled away and suddenly I am 15 years old again and back in high school. He’s smart. Extremely polite. Talented. He reminds me of Andy, the only boy in high school that I didn’t regret dating. Andy was my first boyfriend, and in one and a half months gave me more pure and geniune precious memories than boys I dated for far longer.
Not that I have exboyfriend or exhusband issues like many a herione in anime and manga, but I am at that point where I am craving company. I don’t want intimate affection at this point, but I want someone that I can sit and talk with or just sit and enjoy the silence with. I sit near him in the staff room and I see him every day. I am terrified of office politics especially in a place where I’ve worked so hard to make friends. His circle of friends overlaps with mine, and it scares me because I can’t even tell my close friends because I am fightened about what they would say… or do. I just don’t know.
I feel ugly, insecure, and utterly 15 again. High school was a time that I had severe insecurity issues in regard to my looks, primarily because I always laughed at for being ugly. If people were to find out that I had a crush, it was always used to my disadvangtage. Things are different here because men are (outwardly at least) more polite and polished then they are back home. The ones worth chasing aren’t arrogant, stuffy bastards. I just feel worthless because according to this country’s stardards, I should know how to cook, clean, and be otherwise very domestic.
*sigh* When will my luck improve?